Being bullied destroyed my self steam

For a very long time in my life, I was constantly bullied because of my skin color. Sometimes even family members would make comments like how my dark skinny legs did not look good in shorts. And there were other times when acquaintances would say that how my strong personality did not suit for a girl. Oh, yes, there was this time, I was offered a skin brightening cream to become wither. I had good grades, always ahead in extracurricular activities, I won a lot of essay and debate contests, But my qualities were always out shined by my look, my skin color. It did bother me a lot. In my teenage I had decided, that I would become rich, so that I could pay to do a plastic surgery to become white.

The turning point

I was not very confident. And my self steam was very low. I questioned my self many times, what could I do differently or become in order for people to like me. So I thought I needed to become a people pleaser. Do everything that others wanted to, and never argue with anyone. It felt as if I was not good enough, neither will I ever be. I had already left Nepal in search for a decent future. Here I was in Europe trying to make a living on my own. I came across so many people and heard their stories which left my awake at night. That was the time I decided enough is enough. I started reading self-help books. All of them helped shape my perspective on life.

Better later than never

I began to understand I was the one who needed to value myself, not the others. If I did not respect and love my self enough, then no one was going to do it for me. I came to peace with my past because I could see now how being born in Nepal with dark skin shaped my self-worth. Because I grew up listening that I was not beautiful enough, that no one was going to marry me, if only I could have fair skin, I would be successful. Ones I was aware that there is an old tape playing over and over again in my mind, it became easier to replace it with positive self talk I do deserve love and respect, that it is okay for me to make mistake, that’s how we learn. You do not need other people’s approval to be who you are. I worked a lot in myself to learn. Sometimes we learn only after hitting our head that it is a wrong direction.