How to stop people pleasing

What is people pleasing?

People pleasing is an act goes beyond simple kindness. Usually with this personality type, a person feels a strong urge to please other people, even at their own expenses. They struggle to draw a personal boundary. Usually, people pleasers are in tune of others needs and empathetic. This makes them vulnerable to being taken advantage of. It is also a coping method for low self-worth and lack of security.

I had this habit and did not even realize it until very recently. And I am not alone in this. Many of us mistake people pleasing behavior as being nice. I used to do this in order to seek others approval. I wanted their validation, so I could hide my insecurities. Let us start our journey to say no.

Remember, it is okay to say no

We are as worthy of our time and support as others. Who truly cares for you won’t mind you saying no when you need to. Those who mind are not really your friends, and that is just fine. In spite of all your effort, sooner or later you will discover the ones are with you just for their own shake.

Ask yourself why

This has been a huge game changer for me. I ask myself why do I want to do any favor before I agree to do it. Not only that, I dig in deeper to find out is there any second intention like others approval or hide my fear of being disliked inside my mind. So when the purpose is just about stretching a helping hand, I allow myself to do. Though, I no longer identify or drive a sense of self from it.

Bring your unhealed would to light

Did you suffer any trauma? It does not have to be recent, often times our unhealed child trauma are the cause of how we feel ourselves now. You must go back and find out what happened to you in order to move on with your life. In my case, it was a family dysfunction. I was exposed to violent environment frequently. There was no feeling of safety or security. Most of the time I went to bet scared and crying. It was too painful to bear, so I lived in denial.

I remember I would do literally anything for anyone to show some kindness towards me. That is how it began for me, an unhealthy coping mechanism…

Treat yourself with kindness and forgive

Like Buddha once said : Treat yourself as you would treat your dearest best friend. Change Is difficult, even it is the smallest of all. Breaking out of people pleasing habit takes time. Some days you will make progress and others you may fall back. That’s the way it is but hey you will find your balance too because I did. Give yourself the love and respect you give to others, and you will realize you don’t even need others validation. Their opinion about you isn’t worth your energy or time.